Christmas 2024's ultimate (self-) gifting guide
11 GORGE things you should get yourself because no one else has sufficiently good taste; as we speak, they're plotting to buy you something soul-destroyingly ugly YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE
Is there anything more soul-seepingly depressing than shit gifts?
I mean, yeah, obviously, there’s crippling mental health issues and Nigel Farage channeling Elon Musk then injecting a lil anti-abortion rights energy into UK politics, and the Taliban suspending training of women as midwives and nurses, thereby damning Afghan women to futures of pain, untended sickness and death in childbirth, but still
Shit gifts are Not A Vibe.
Ill-chosen, panic-purchased, so terribly, terribly unnecessary; the nausea-inducing, pitiful overhwelm of them! The way they make you feel gross and bloated and dirty and cheap; how they silt up the edges of your home like ugly, frankly insulting (cos THAT’S what someone picked out when they thought of you? SRSLY?) flotsam, malevolent with the threat of the landfill they’re destined to be. They’re bad for your mood, for your sense of self, your interiors aesthetic and the planet; which is really going some, so:
WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES? We shouldn’t. We needn’t!
My policy on gifts for the last few years has been: cold hard cash for the kids (kids love the good folding stuff, cannot get enough of it); tell the adults to go buy something pretty in your name, and that in turn, you will do the same, in theirs.
Job done, problem fucking solved; and here, since you ask, are 11 super high end top quality self-gifting concepts, piping hot from the lava flow of my faintly obsessive internal monologue.
You. Are. Welcome.
Dora Larsen bra and pants (Around £100 all in and full-priced - but regularly on sale. I somehow got my last DL bra for £17 from an outlet! Flannels’, I believe.)
Not only are they, like, staggeringly pretty, they’re really comfortable; the bras are among the best fitting, most enduringly supportive me and my 32Ds have had the good fortune to encounter. Also? You always need a new bra! We all do.
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My friend Polly (NB not all my friends are called Polly, it’s not something I insist on or anything, it’s not a criteria) said I should do a post about how I achieve this particular feature of my face, because (she said) it is strong, and the overall impact of it is also strong - and I will allow that. What is it? Why, it’s my