How to do OK on Substack, social media - and in life - when you've got no self promotion game, little-to-no hustle, and no frigging clue re working the algorithm
By me, aka, all of the above
Though first - a word about Jane Birkin’s Birkin bag, and a TV show you probably missed, but shouldn’t.
Jane Birkin’s Hermes Birkin bag - the original, the one which was named for her - sold last week at auction for about £7 million, thus setting a record. I think - not much, actually. Sure it’s an obscene amount of money, but more money is being spent on more obscene things, all the time. I do however strongly believe that Jane Birkin looked better - more chic, cooler - when she carried the wicker basket which Hermes replaced with the £7 million bag. Sadly, and despite repeated attempts, I’ve never quite been able to pull off a wicker basket myself HOWEVER, this number from new fave Scott Samuel, is totally working for me. It’s £150, so £6,999,985 cheaper, too.
Next: the TV show you probably missed, but shouldn't. I am very much enjoying Too Much, Lena Dunham’s new Netflix show, and only partly because it’s exceptionally well written (she’s not bad, is she) and it stars Megan Stalter, whom I adore in Hacks. The main reason I am enjoying Too Much, is love interest Felix, played by Will Sharpe, who is also in Giri/Haji, a f**king beautiful shiny gem of a series (made for the BBC, now on Netflix), featuring a scene which absolutely categorically should not work… But does. IYKYK. Sharpe won a BAFTA for his portrayal of Rodney - and damn straight. It is breathtaking.
Right. So. On to how to do OK in this increasingly ridiculous world when you’re constantly being told YOU ARE THE BRAND and you have to optimise your potential by increasing your social media clout and DRIVING THE NUMBERS you should just GO FOR IT! Hustle! Be shameless! If you don’t - it’s probably just cos you don’t value yourself and you don’t Get It and everyone else is doing it, especially mediocre white men, why shouldn’t you?
And so on.
I started thinking about this after one of you lot - the excellent
- said the grind of hustling, making tactical connections, posting loads etc… It was all feeling quite exhausting - and she wasn't sure it was even doing much. Which made me think about all the times I’ve thought I too should probably be more cynical, more strategic, more hustle-y, busier, more ferocious, in promoting myself. That I should build social media allegiances with people I didn’t especially rate but that’s not the point! The point is, they’ve got ten times my followers and subscribers, so if I can get in with them, then I can piggy back on their clout, get myself invited onto their podcast, scratch their back by being gushing in the comments, and who knows? This time next year, I’d probably have surpassed their numbers and they’d be blowing smoke up MY arse, in return for a little summin-summin, a little extra promotin’.I have felt bad about how bad I am at all this, too! I’ve sort of vaguely tried… then: recoiled with the cringe. I’ve wondered, as I’ve watched (mediocre white women) colleagues leapfrog themselves up Instagram and the podcasting charts by strategising and chumming up with anyone useful, if this is all, somehow, about my low self worth? I even felt like I should flag it up to my publishers, before I signed the contract for my book:
“I’m not one of those. I know you probably hope I am. But I’m not.”
But the fact is - I’m still doing OK. If some of that OK is a consequence of me having built a profile in conventional media - and it is - that doesn’t explain all of it. It really doesn’t. Fact is, I have found a way to have a long running career - one which is still evolving and growing, thank you SubStack! - in a creative industry, without practising any of those dark arts. While being actively pretty bad at those dark arts, honestly.
Wanna know how I did it?
OK then.