The worst hostility I experienced in the work place as a young woman was from other (often more senior) women. Some of it very hurtful & potentially damaging. And large breasts (demurely covered) certainly did provoke snide comments from them.
My very beautiful 24 yo daughter (who has not inherited the family bosom, much to her chagrin) has been on the receiving end of spiteful treatment from some female colleagues, who put her success down to looks rather than her first class mind & ambitious attitude. Depressing.
So depressing! Also, how interesting that you say you’d “demurely covered” your breasts, like it was ever your responsibility to mitigate how everyone else (men AND women) felt about them! Which it never, ever was - but we always think it is, don’t we?
It was a v conservative environment. But yes, you’re right about the ways in which I felt the need to manage other people’s responses to my body. I’m over all that now though. Don’t like my cleavage? Don’t look at it then!
I started work as a junior PR on a women’s fashion brand, only working with other women, but I was known as ‘the one with her tits out all the time’ because I didn't cover mine up enough (often - outrage! - didn't wear a bra). I rewatched Mad Men recently, there’s an amazing scene when Peggy asks Joan what she expects (from men), when she dresses the way she does, and Joan shuts her down magnificently.
Gosh, this resonated. It's always (some of) the women, isn't it? In a professional environment, you'd hope for more (and there definitely WERE wonderful women who supported me and other junior women), but jeez the jealousy/bitchiness/spite/downright meanness. I too hope for better for our daughters!
I too was supposed to have shagged everyone high and low in every which way to secure my newspaper role. Such energy. Ditto posh etc (nope). Still goes on, still so exhausting I can barely complete this comment. Suffice to say, adore you and your brilliance always.
Interesting article and I do agree on some of it. I think this changes as you get older, wiser, love yourself and don’t give a toss to other people or what they think about you. Yes, the jealousy stems from people’s insecurities, but these insecurities will hopefully go away the older you get, only if you truly learned to love who you are. Some people are ahead, some are behind, but we’re all in the right place imo.
I think age really helps if you’re lucky, and you work at it, but it can also make people really entrenched in the negative stuff they feel. Some people get so much better as they get older. Some sadly, get worse.
You’re right. And you will attract similar people to you in your friendship group, sadly not in the general group, which are the people who will troll you with their envy…
Exactly this occurred to me after I replied. We get so much better at sidestepping those who aren’t good for us as we get older. One of the many, many benefits.
The worst envy? When a mother is envious of her daughter. The most poisonous, undermining & damaging envy of all.
Not that rare either.
Polly, keep being authentically you. Calling out whatever you wish. Funny, tragic, thought provoking, anger inducing, whatever. PV is always worth reading
Brilliant read, Polly. It’s a truism in life for me that whenever I read something like, ‘I don’t want to seem unsisterly’, that’s exactly what they’re about to be, similarly, ‘I’m not racist but’ or ‘I don’t want to be uncharitable’. Secondly, I do wonder if it’s all survival of the species stuff? Like when Miss Bingley says that Miss Bennet seeks to make herself look good by downing other women in Pride and Prejudice. And lastly, I used to be consumed with envy for other women for every reason under the sun but the Big M has calmed it all down now and recently I’m just happy being me, massive flaws and all…
The worst hostility I experienced in the work place as a young woman was from other (often more senior) women. Some of it very hurtful & potentially damaging. And large breasts (demurely covered) certainly did provoke snide comments from them.
My very beautiful 24 yo daughter (who has not inherited the family bosom, much to her chagrin) has been on the receiving end of spiteful treatment from some female colleagues, who put her success down to looks rather than her first class mind & ambitious attitude. Depressing.
So depressing! Also, how interesting that you say you’d “demurely covered” your breasts, like it was ever your responsibility to mitigate how everyone else (men AND women) felt about them! Which it never, ever was - but we always think it is, don’t we?
It was a v conservative environment. But yes, you’re right about the ways in which I felt the need to manage other people’s responses to my body. I’m over all that now though. Don’t like my cleavage? Don’t look at it then!
Damn straight!
I started work as a junior PR on a women’s fashion brand, only working with other women, but I was known as ‘the one with her tits out all the time’ because I didn't cover mine up enough (often - outrage! - didn't wear a bra). I rewatched Mad Men recently, there’s an amazing scene when Peggy asks Joan what she expects (from men), when she dresses the way she does, and Joan shuts her down magnificently.
Gosh, this resonated. It's always (some of) the women, isn't it? In a professional environment, you'd hope for more (and there definitely WERE wonderful women who supported me and other junior women), but jeez the jealousy/bitchiness/spite/downright meanness. I too hope for better for our daughters!
You’re so right that some women are wonderful, and I’ve had such support and championing as well as the undermining. But yeah, it’s a Thing.
I too was supposed to have shagged everyone high and low in every which way to secure my newspaper role. Such energy. Ditto posh etc (nope). Still goes on, still so exhausting I can barely complete this comment. Suffice to say, adore you and your brilliance always.
Of course you were! So exhausting. And thank you! Xxx
Interesting article and I do agree on some of it. I think this changes as you get older, wiser, love yourself and don’t give a toss to other people or what they think about you. Yes, the jealousy stems from people’s insecurities, but these insecurities will hopefully go away the older you get, only if you truly learned to love who you are. Some people are ahead, some are behind, but we’re all in the right place imo.
I think age really helps if you’re lucky, and you work at it, but it can also make people really entrenched in the negative stuff they feel. Some people get so much better as they get older. Some sadly, get worse.
You’re right. And you will attract similar people to you in your friendship group, sadly not in the general group, which are the people who will troll you with their envy…
Exactly this occurred to me after I replied. We get so much better at sidestepping those who aren’t good for us as we get older. One of the many, many benefits.
The worst envy? When a mother is envious of her daughter. The most poisonous, undermining & damaging envy of all.
Not that rare either.
Polly, keep being authentically you. Calling out whatever you wish. Funny, tragic, thought provoking, anger inducing, whatever. PV is always worth reading
Oh you are crazy kind. I shall.
I loved this! Yes, Polly! Yes!
It’s so complicated but it’s true (I hope) 💋
Brilliant read, Polly. It’s a truism in life for me that whenever I read something like, ‘I don’t want to seem unsisterly’, that’s exactly what they’re about to be, similarly, ‘I’m not racist but’ or ‘I don’t want to be uncharitable’. Secondly, I do wonder if it’s all survival of the species stuff? Like when Miss Bingley says that Miss Bennet seeks to make herself look good by downing other women in Pride and Prejudice. And lastly, I used to be consumed with envy for other women for every reason under the sun but the Big M has calmed it all down now and recently I’m just happy being me, massive flaws and all…
You are so incredibly right about ‘I’m not being unsisterly…’ it’s feminisms ‘I’m not being racist’ 💯
Love this Polly ❤️
Love YOU
How many books have you written? Have I missed one?
I’m writing second at the moment. Due out in spring: didn’t I tell you?
I don’t think so. Very good.