The point you made which resonated most with me was about liking to see other women. I find it encouraging to see people who have worked hard on their fitness. And - to hop to your question at the end - I would be very interested to read more about how you work out. I love to see images of female strength. It helps me to keep on showing up for workouts when I don't always feel like it. Even now, in 2024, we still need to normalise female strength.
For me there's also something here about the male and female gaze. It's obvious when a woman posting a bikini shot has packaged herself for the male gaze: the hair, the eyelashes, the contouring, the pose. I'm not for one minute saying you look unkempt but when you post a picture because you've just had your hair done and you're really pleased with the nice job the stylist has done, I feel like you're sharing your enjoyment and your admiration of the stylist's skills with women readers. When you posted all your holiday pictures, I felt like you were saying, "look at all the lovely bikinis I've hunter-gathered" and "I love how working out makes me look and feel".
I would have no qualms about my nieces (7 of them aged from 11 to 30) following you on Instagram or here, or reading your column in Grazia and seeing your bikini pictures but I would be concerned about my younger nieces following some other women who are presenting themselves in what seems to me to be an old-fashioned way and all about male consumption.
I think that’s one of the loveliest things anyone ever said to me - the thing about me not packaging these images for men - thank you! I think you might be right! I’d never really thought of it like that, but yes. I hope so, anyway. I definitely always think primarily in terms of a women audience, whether I’m posting or writing. That’s made me feel brilliant! And yes yes to normalising and celebrating images of female strength! And thank you again xxx
Your writing always makes me think about things and it was interesting thinking out why I react the way I do to your pictures.
I think back to Clare Short campaigning against page 3 in the 80s and how she was ridiculed. I remember when Terminator 2 came out and the real shock of the change in Linda Hamilton's appearance - possibly, IMO, one of the biggest influences on how images of women have changed. Then Madonna took the same path - look how she changed her body between Holiday and Papa Don't Preach. Then I think about kids in school being exposed to pornography and the poison of Andrew Tate. It's so important to present an alternative.
I used to work with a girl who used to regularly unfollow influencers if their posts make her feel bad about her own body. I never used to understand it.. if someone I follow posts a photo of themselves looking ripped, it encourages me to go harder. Exactly as you said in your article Polly, especially women of a similar age as it shows you what’s possible which is MOTIVATING! I think it’s all about self love. You either have it and celebrate women of all shapes and sizes or you don’t.. and you unfollow..
I remember when I first heard people calling some things ‘triggering’, and I assumed they meant that caused them to analyse their response, wonder why it hit them so hard, wonder what they could do about it to help themselves… then I realised they were actually just getting angry with the random individual who’d ’triggered’ them and, yes, in the case of social media, unfollowing them... I was flabbergasted. Your reactions are so useful and revealing, shutting down anyone who provokes them in you, is just weird!
It says far more about the people who are unfollowing than it does about you. It’s okay for you to post a picture of your sofa for admiration, perhaps, or a photo of a new coat you’re wearing. But taking pride in the way you look? I find it so crazy that it’s not okay to be happy about yourself, that unless you are showing some sort of weakness you’re at cancellable risk. Being healthy and strong should be celebrated and there is no shame in that. Keep posting, Polly. If they unfollow you then you don’t want them anyway.
Thank you, my darling! And you’re so right about the vulnerability thing, I even thought about adding a point in about fitness and mental health for added vulnerability points, which is of course true - but also, a pretty cynical ploy to get people onside, so I decided against. And I’m glad, now! Xx
Totally agree with Lisa and Kelly. For heavens sake it's your body/bikini so do what you damn well like. It's a photo, get over it. Yes Polly, you do look great and why should you not be proud of that fact. Why are women not allowed to be proud of how we look and have to apologise for it. You've worked hard and most importantly are healthy. This should be inspiring... it is to me. These people who unfollow and make nasty comments, well it is about them, not you. It's a shame other women/people feel that way, it really is and also if your photos are somehow eliciting negative emotions or offending them, also a shame, BUT that's not your responsibility. I am a bit fed up to be honest with women putting other women down, why does this happen, I do not know but it's very bad. Celebrate yourself however you see fit ( sorry for the pun) and well, let the naysayers deal with it however they wish. Nice bikinis by the way, especially that red one ;))
I’m 46 and work out a lot. In my forties my body is better in terms of muscle and strength, not just skinniness, than in my 20s. On hols last year I asked my husband to take a pic of me on the beach in my bikini so I could one day remind myself of the body I worked hard for. I agonised over posting it. Then I posted it and immediately felt iI shouldn’t have. It was not a glossy made up pic it was just me walking out of the sea hair blowing, make up free. So why did I feel like I’d somehow behaved like a show off when other younger women do this all the time and add filters - I might add when I ask my husband to take my pic it’s a one shot deal you don’t get to pose again and again til I get one I like ☺️ anyway that was a longwinded way of saying keep posting your bikini shots and any other shots that make you feel good. They make the people who admire both your words and your body feel good too! 🙏🏻
Oh I totally get it. I had a day of feeling really self conscious after posting this article. Inviting people to look at your body is HARD. But if me posting my bikini pics makes you feel good: then imaging how good you could make other people feel with yours. (My bloke won’t take any pics of me. Do them all in timer or as selfies. Bloody men)
Hi Polly, As you know I'm a big fan of your work. Firstly when I saw your bikini pics on Instagram I immediately thought she looks incredible and I think I posted 'exercise pays' I meant to finish it with 'and you've got receipts' but I never finished it in time (trigger fingers).
Now reading this I find it fascinating the response people have (women) especially people in unfollowing you - do they not know who you are and what you speak about by now- . I see your bikini posts as a feminist act for these reasons:
1. It's your body and you are in control of it and therefore if you want to proudly show it off then that's your choice - and come on we all need to be pro choice.
2. It's possible that you know by doing it there will be a reaction from others which can generate a discussion and it is important we have dialogue around these issues, especially how women treat women.
3. On a personal level I am 54 and if I had your body I would feel so good about myself and I would not care whether that bothered others. I would feel happy for myself and my commitment to my health and well being and the fact that it's ok to prioritise my own health, which is something that women are shamed for and always have been, often by each other. As though it's narcissistic to actually look after your own body instead of it only being there for the male gaze ( hence why so many older women are ridiculed or treated as though they have found a cure for a terrible disease just because they lose weight or take up strength training past the age of 50 (see daily mail/express/telegraph health section).
4. I also feel inspired (and maybe a little envious) when I see other women who look amazing, I don't mean celebrities because they are not tangible to me, I mean women in the gym, friends etc. those before and after stories (obsessed) because I think that could be me, that is within my grasp, if they can do it then I can too.
Polly you know I am your biggest fan. So I’m gonna Dr Suess it and quote “be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. This actually perfectly sums up my personal nuance on this subject with regard to you. I don’t like skin on show and with people I don’t know it irritates me. Not because I am jealous - you know what my body looks like -but because I find it unnecessary and narcissistic. But when you post bikini pics I really don’t mind it. I think because I know most of your motivations for doing so and I agree with a lot of them about showing how strong you are and how you’ve worked intelligently and diligently to manage your back pain, and that you promote health, fitness and strength for women at any age. So I think because you matter to me and I share most of your reasoning I don’t mind it 😉
Oh I do love you! Not just for the Seuss quote. I think it’s always easier to understand people’s motivations when you know them (I voiced this one specifically so people who don’t know me IRL could hear my voice) but I get you. And you of everyone know why I do the work I do! You made me do most of it! Xxx
ooooh a juicy topic! love this and sooo many thoughts.
Essentially though, there are some 'look at me' insta pics that are NOT OK and some which ARE OK and your bikini selfies clearly fall into the latter category. The reasons why are complex imo and I would need to write another article to fully explain them but essentially:
- You are not pretending that these pics are anything other than what they are. (What I cannot stand is the 'i'm pretending to show you how to make a healthy snack box. but really I want you to notice how good i look' type posts.)
- You are in charge of the pics, not the male director of a photo shoot / music video (Little Mix in their pants annoy me because they try to call it female empowerment when I don't really think that's what it's all about if they really dig deep. They would be better off saying 'we think we look good in our undies and voila.)
- We all know you are about much more than bikini pics coz of all your other content. This is part of you and why not share it along with all the other PV stuff some of which is very high brow and some of which is,... errr... not but equally compelling
Hi Polly fellow journo here - (I have a freelance finance Substack if you're interested) I've been into fitness since I was 20 and diagnosed with PCOS (told I would struggle to have children/get heart disease diabetes) GP put me on the pill but I put on shed loads of weight ( and I did have a borderline eating disorder even though I've never been overweight. Exercise saved me and over the years I've managed to work out most days -yoga pilates, Peloton the gym, running and now I'm trying to learn front crawl. I did used to put selfies of myself in the gym and doing the Peloton (post workout) but because of my chiildren (age 15 and 11) I have stopped. I think it's more that I'm worried what the school mums will think. Yeah I have had some bad experiences with school mums because of my job. I find your selfies inspiring, I feel they are more a struggle share than anything else. Haters will always hate x
You have every right to celebrate what fitness has given you. I suspect we feel some of the same things in the whole: I can’t believe what a miracle exercise is, and what it’s done for me, how it helps me, vein. I’m really really sad you stopped posting your fitness selfies though. I totally get the school mum thing, I really do: but as Taylor Swift says ‘f**k ‘em, it’s over’… which I know is easy to say, and I know how awful they can be BUT, you tell me my selfies inspire you, I promise you, yours inspired at least one other woman. They did. Which is a gorgeous thing to do. The women we inspire have got to be more important than the haters. They just do.
That’s two people I follow for different reasons who have been on the end of inappropriate responses for showing their bodies in non-sexual ways on IG.
Alexlight_ldn got abuse for a pic in her undies used to introduce a reel of female Olympians of all shapes & sizes. You got grief for your bikini pics.
I want to scream “FFS people! It’s just bodies! Your responses are just that, YOUR RESPONSES! Take responsibility for your response”
As for “triggering” load of ballax! Try a shift in A&E or a Homeless Shelter, THEY are triggering!
Deep breath…. Relax
You look banging in those pics, stay proud of the work you’ve put in to get it. Those who unfollowed you can enjoy their unicorn filled, fluffy cloud where they can bury their heads in sand & cover their ears singing lalalalala…. In case they see something that upsets them.
The rest of us will carry on cheerleading strong women however they look.
The thing I like most about this, as with everything you write, is how thoughtful, articulate and honest it is. You go through it all and it makes us all think, perhaps recognise some or other of the numerous thought processes that your pictures provoke. I love that. And the last line made me laugh out loud 😊 I really like seeing the pics, the bikinis (bought a fabulous Aspiga one last year on your recommendation & I LOVE it), knowing about the work that goes in to getting your body to look like it does, and the reasons why you do it. Your Substack is the closest I think I’ve ever come to the handbook I’ve been looking for for much of my adult life! 😂
Well that’s a blissful thing to say, thank you! Being able to articulate all the arguments all at once is one of the things I love most about SubStack. It’s how I work and how I think, how most of us do I reckon, but there’s so rarely space to do it with traditional publishing, or even the appetite for it. But I will do my very best to maintain to this extremely random, ramshackle but heartfelt life manual xxx
At the end of the day- your Instagram- your body- do what makes you happy. Your body is incredible- you have worked hard for it and it is amazing. I remember a while ago a post that you did about walking to and from work, in Grazia- it made so much sense to me and I have tried to walk as much as I can ever since. I love everything you write- I can’t understand why anyone would want to unfollow you for any reason- but people are funny! As are you actually….
The point you made which resonated most with me was about liking to see other women. I find it encouraging to see people who have worked hard on their fitness. And - to hop to your question at the end - I would be very interested to read more about how you work out. I love to see images of female strength. It helps me to keep on showing up for workouts when I don't always feel like it. Even now, in 2024, we still need to normalise female strength.
For me there's also something here about the male and female gaze. It's obvious when a woman posting a bikini shot has packaged herself for the male gaze: the hair, the eyelashes, the contouring, the pose. I'm not for one minute saying you look unkempt but when you post a picture because you've just had your hair done and you're really pleased with the nice job the stylist has done, I feel like you're sharing your enjoyment and your admiration of the stylist's skills with women readers. When you posted all your holiday pictures, I felt like you were saying, "look at all the lovely bikinis I've hunter-gathered" and "I love how working out makes me look and feel".
I would have no qualms about my nieces (7 of them aged from 11 to 30) following you on Instagram or here, or reading your column in Grazia and seeing your bikini pictures but I would be concerned about my younger nieces following some other women who are presenting themselves in what seems to me to be an old-fashioned way and all about male consumption.
So I hope you keep on doing what you do.
I think that’s one of the loveliest things anyone ever said to me - the thing about me not packaging these images for men - thank you! I think you might be right! I’d never really thought of it like that, but yes. I hope so, anyway. I definitely always think primarily in terms of a women audience, whether I’m posting or writing. That’s made me feel brilliant! And yes yes to normalising and celebrating images of female strength! And thank you again xxx
Your writing always makes me think about things and it was interesting thinking out why I react the way I do to your pictures.
I think back to Clare Short campaigning against page 3 in the 80s and how she was ridiculed. I remember when Terminator 2 came out and the real shock of the change in Linda Hamilton's appearance - possibly, IMO, one of the biggest influences on how images of women have changed. Then Madonna took the same path - look how she changed her body between Holiday and Papa Don't Preach. Then I think about kids in school being exposed to pornography and the poison of Andrew Tate. It's so important to present an alternative.
I used to work with a girl who used to regularly unfollow influencers if their posts make her feel bad about her own body. I never used to understand it.. if someone I follow posts a photo of themselves looking ripped, it encourages me to go harder. Exactly as you said in your article Polly, especially women of a similar age as it shows you what’s possible which is MOTIVATING! I think it’s all about self love. You either have it and celebrate women of all shapes and sizes or you don’t.. and you unfollow..
I remember when I first heard people calling some things ‘triggering’, and I assumed they meant that caused them to analyse their response, wonder why it hit them so hard, wonder what they could do about it to help themselves… then I realised they were actually just getting angry with the random individual who’d ’triggered’ them and, yes, in the case of social media, unfollowing them... I was flabbergasted. Your reactions are so useful and revealing, shutting down anyone who provokes them in you, is just weird!
It says far more about the people who are unfollowing than it does about you. It’s okay for you to post a picture of your sofa for admiration, perhaps, or a photo of a new coat you’re wearing. But taking pride in the way you look? I find it so crazy that it’s not okay to be happy about yourself, that unless you are showing some sort of weakness you’re at cancellable risk. Being healthy and strong should be celebrated and there is no shame in that. Keep posting, Polly. If they unfollow you then you don’t want them anyway.
Thank you, my darling! And you’re so right about the vulnerability thing, I even thought about adding a point in about fitness and mental health for added vulnerability points, which is of course true - but also, a pretty cynical ploy to get people onside, so I decided against. And I’m glad, now! Xx
Totally agree with Lisa and Kelly. For heavens sake it's your body/bikini so do what you damn well like. It's a photo, get over it. Yes Polly, you do look great and why should you not be proud of that fact. Why are women not allowed to be proud of how we look and have to apologise for it. You've worked hard and most importantly are healthy. This should be inspiring... it is to me. These people who unfollow and make nasty comments, well it is about them, not you. It's a shame other women/people feel that way, it really is and also if your photos are somehow eliciting negative emotions or offending them, also a shame, BUT that's not your responsibility. I am a bit fed up to be honest with women putting other women down, why does this happen, I do not know but it's very bad. Celebrate yourself however you see fit ( sorry for the pun) and well, let the naysayers deal with it however they wish. Nice bikinis by the way, especially that red one ;))
Ah THANK YOU. It is getting a little depressing, isn’t it? The red one is Arket in the sale 💋❤️❤️
Yes quite Polly. Thank you for the Arket rec. 💕
I’m 46 and work out a lot. In my forties my body is better in terms of muscle and strength, not just skinniness, than in my 20s. On hols last year I asked my husband to take a pic of me on the beach in my bikini so I could one day remind myself of the body I worked hard for. I agonised over posting it. Then I posted it and immediately felt iI shouldn’t have. It was not a glossy made up pic it was just me walking out of the sea hair blowing, make up free. So why did I feel like I’d somehow behaved like a show off when other younger women do this all the time and add filters - I might add when I ask my husband to take my pic it’s a one shot deal you don’t get to pose again and again til I get one I like ☺️ anyway that was a longwinded way of saying keep posting your bikini shots and any other shots that make you feel good. They make the people who admire both your words and your body feel good too! 🙏🏻
Oh I totally get it. I had a day of feeling really self conscious after posting this article. Inviting people to look at your body is HARD. But if me posting my bikini pics makes you feel good: then imaging how good you could make other people feel with yours. (My bloke won’t take any pics of me. Do them all in timer or as selfies. Bloody men)
Hi Polly, As you know I'm a big fan of your work. Firstly when I saw your bikini pics on Instagram I immediately thought she looks incredible and I think I posted 'exercise pays' I meant to finish it with 'and you've got receipts' but I never finished it in time (trigger fingers).
Now reading this I find it fascinating the response people have (women) especially people in unfollowing you - do they not know who you are and what you speak about by now- . I see your bikini posts as a feminist act for these reasons:
1. It's your body and you are in control of it and therefore if you want to proudly show it off then that's your choice - and come on we all need to be pro choice.
2. It's possible that you know by doing it there will be a reaction from others which can generate a discussion and it is important we have dialogue around these issues, especially how women treat women.
3. On a personal level I am 54 and if I had your body I would feel so good about myself and I would not care whether that bothered others. I would feel happy for myself and my commitment to my health and well being and the fact that it's ok to prioritise my own health, which is something that women are shamed for and always have been, often by each other. As though it's narcissistic to actually look after your own body instead of it only being there for the male gaze ( hence why so many older women are ridiculed or treated as though they have found a cure for a terrible disease just because they lose weight or take up strength training past the age of 50 (see daily mail/express/telegraph health section).
4. I also feel inspired (and maybe a little envious) when I see other women who look amazing, I don't mean celebrities because they are not tangible to me, I mean women in the gym, friends etc. those before and after stories (obsessed) because I think that could be me, that is within my grasp, if they can do it then I can too.
That's female empowerment right there.
Polly you know I am your biggest fan. So I’m gonna Dr Suess it and quote “be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. This actually perfectly sums up my personal nuance on this subject with regard to you. I don’t like skin on show and with people I don’t know it irritates me. Not because I am jealous - you know what my body looks like -but because I find it unnecessary and narcissistic. But when you post bikini pics I really don’t mind it. I think because I know most of your motivations for doing so and I agree with a lot of them about showing how strong you are and how you’ve worked intelligently and diligently to manage your back pain, and that you promote health, fitness and strength for women at any age. So I think because you matter to me and I share most of your reasoning I don’t mind it 😉
Oh I do love you! Not just for the Seuss quote. I think it’s always easier to understand people’s motivations when you know them (I voiced this one specifically so people who don’t know me IRL could hear my voice) but I get you. And you of everyone know why I do the work I do! You made me do most of it! Xxx
I was just a mere notch on your fitness and physio journey but the privilege was and still is all mine. Xx
You properly got me doing weights which, as we both know, is one of the biggest favours you can do anyone x
Ok I’ll take credit for the biceps 😝
ooooh a juicy topic! love this and sooo many thoughts.
Essentially though, there are some 'look at me' insta pics that are NOT OK and some which ARE OK and your bikini selfies clearly fall into the latter category. The reasons why are complex imo and I would need to write another article to fully explain them but essentially:
- You are not pretending that these pics are anything other than what they are. (What I cannot stand is the 'i'm pretending to show you how to make a healthy snack box. but really I want you to notice how good i look' type posts.)
- You are in charge of the pics, not the male director of a photo shoot / music video (Little Mix in their pants annoy me because they try to call it female empowerment when I don't really think that's what it's all about if they really dig deep. They would be better off saying 'we think we look good in our undies and voila.)
- We all know you are about much more than bikini pics coz of all your other content. This is part of you and why not share it along with all the other PV stuff some of which is very high brow and some of which is,... errr... not but equally compelling
- and oh yeah, coz you look good :-)
and yeah the point about the male gaze below is really on point
Ok so I’m definitely not planning on dying any time soon, but when I (eventually) do, just wondering if we could get this in quotes on my headstone?
I was planning on having a massive penis engraved on your headstone.
Oh that is also appealing! Though Agnes has some plans, you may have to go through her
Are me and Agnes your executives? We should be.
By force of will, if not law: yes. Probably.
Completely agree with Lisa! F*ck um… and their envyitess.. projected insecurities are such a bore!
Love that ❤️
Hi Polly fellow journo here - (I have a freelance finance Substack if you're interested) I've been into fitness since I was 20 and diagnosed with PCOS (told I would struggle to have children/get heart disease diabetes) GP put me on the pill but I put on shed loads of weight ( and I did have a borderline eating disorder even though I've never been overweight. Exercise saved me and over the years I've managed to work out most days -yoga pilates, Peloton the gym, running and now I'm trying to learn front crawl. I did used to put selfies of myself in the gym and doing the Peloton (post workout) but because of my chiildren (age 15 and 11) I have stopped. I think it's more that I'm worried what the school mums will think. Yeah I have had some bad experiences with school mums because of my job. I find your selfies inspiring, I feel they are more a struggle share than anything else. Haters will always hate x
You have every right to celebrate what fitness has given you. I suspect we feel some of the same things in the whole: I can’t believe what a miracle exercise is, and what it’s done for me, how it helps me, vein. I’m really really sad you stopped posting your fitness selfies though. I totally get the school mum thing, I really do: but as Taylor Swift says ‘f**k ‘em, it’s over’… which I know is easy to say, and I know how awful they can be BUT, you tell me my selfies inspire you, I promise you, yours inspired at least one other woman. They did. Which is a gorgeous thing to do. The women we inspire have got to be more important than the haters. They just do.
We are off camping in France for 8 days from the end of the week, maybe I might sneak one in (if the lighting is good!!) x
Please do! Xx
You should be super proud- you are an amazing writer and so funny too. Xx
❤️❤️❤️
I only subscribe for the bikini shots tbh.
That was a joke in case it gets lost. I also follow for your hair.
Oh I shall take it! Yes I shall ❤️❤️❤️
That’s two people I follow for different reasons who have been on the end of inappropriate responses for showing their bodies in non-sexual ways on IG.
Alexlight_ldn got abuse for a pic in her undies used to introduce a reel of female Olympians of all shapes & sizes. You got grief for your bikini pics.
I want to scream “FFS people! It’s just bodies! Your responses are just that, YOUR RESPONSES! Take responsibility for your response”
As for “triggering” load of ballax! Try a shift in A&E or a Homeless Shelter, THEY are triggering!
Deep breath…. Relax
You look banging in those pics, stay proud of the work you’ve put in to get it. Those who unfollowed you can enjoy their unicorn filled, fluffy cloud where they can bury their heads in sand & cover their ears singing lalalalala…. In case they see something that upsets them.
The rest of us will carry on cheerleading strong women however they look.
You go lady ❤️
Oh & yes please to what workouts
❤️❤️❤️
The thing I like most about this, as with everything you write, is how thoughtful, articulate and honest it is. You go through it all and it makes us all think, perhaps recognise some or other of the numerous thought processes that your pictures provoke. I love that. And the last line made me laugh out loud 😊 I really like seeing the pics, the bikinis (bought a fabulous Aspiga one last year on your recommendation & I LOVE it), knowing about the work that goes in to getting your body to look like it does, and the reasons why you do it. Your Substack is the closest I think I’ve ever come to the handbook I’ve been looking for for much of my adult life! 😂
Well that’s a blissful thing to say, thank you! Being able to articulate all the arguments all at once is one of the things I love most about SubStack. It’s how I work and how I think, how most of us do I reckon, but there’s so rarely space to do it with traditional publishing, or even the appetite for it. But I will do my very best to maintain to this extremely random, ramshackle but heartfelt life manual xxx
You are funny, eloquent, articulate and fucking hot. Praise be. Celebrate the abs, your bum and your words. You are all of it. ❤️
Oh ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
At the end of the day- your Instagram- your body- do what makes you happy. Your body is incredible- you have worked hard for it and it is amazing. I remember a while ago a post that you did about walking to and from work, in Grazia- it made so much sense to me and I have tried to walk as much as I can ever since. I love everything you write- I can’t understand why anyone would want to unfollow you for any reason- but people are funny! As are you actually….
Oh thank you! How lovely. And I’m so glad you’re walking because of something o wrote. That makes me super proud! xxxx